love no longer

The love we used to have
Is hard to forget
The pain of leaving
Is unbearable and dying.

The separation we had
Is just temporary
None of us knows
When we’ll meet again.

I believe this love
Will kindle again
Not now….
Perhaps, on another time.

I’ll wait…
Let this agonizing sadness
Just flies….
On the wings of time.

No true love
Can’t wait for the right time
So I’ll stay just here
And pray it will come soon.


this fire inside
I need you here more than anything.

Tell me what I'd have to change. Who would I have to be
To slip into your arms; for you to make sweet love to me.
Must I climb the highest cliff; swim along the ocean floor
Crawl over broken glass - would you demand that I do more?
Could you take me as I am, with my issues and my flaws
Pull me to your chest without a hesitation or a pause?
Slide your hungry tongue between my parted lips.
Run your anxious fingers along my quivering hips.
Wrap me in your passion, expose your every need.
Press your steamy lips to mine, every secret freed.
Sprinkle your tears across my cheek, confess every desire
Moan my name, call me yours, and set my soul on fire.
Need me more with every breath that slips into your chest,
Please me nightly, miss me daily, never compare me with the rest.
Grip my wrists; look in my eyes, and say the words I long to hear
Kiss me roughly, and weep my name, forever hold me dear.
Do I ask for wishes that could never quite come true?
Is my sin, my greatest fault, that I can't stop loving you?

have i ever told you..
Thousands of miles away and I still feel your gentle kiss, your lips so soft yet you push them into mine so passionately i lose all feeling. Numb is what I am. You have made me this way, put me under your spell with no anticdote. Just a few more weeks till you are  mine again. Till then I sit here, anticipating every moment I get to talk to you. The closest I can get to you is through webcam, but even then it pains me that I can't reach out and touch you, feel your strong arms around me. It's so easy to say that I miss you, but so hard to tell you I love you.

Have I ever told you
that if I sit really still and silent,
sometimes. I like to think
I can hear your heart beating
in time with mine?

Have I ever told you
that when I watch you speak to me
through lines and cords,
I imagine
your voice,
whispering into my ear?

Have I ever told you
that I wait out each day
in anticipation,
only an hour or two,
just a second in space and time,
to feel close to you?

Have I ever told you
that there has been times,
when I ached for you,
ached for you so badly,
that the emotions overwhelmed me..
and so I sat and cried?

Have I ever told you
that sometimes,
I will reach out,
touching your name
on this cold screen before me,
I could reach in
and pull you to me?

Have I ever told you
that every time I hear
the sound of your voice,
thousands of miles away,
I sit up all night,
turning the conversation over and over
in my mind,
examining it,
like some newly discovered species?

Have I ever told you
that I would give everything up,
to be able to lay near you right now,
to feel your chest rise and fall
with each breath you take,
just to know that you're real?

Have I ever told you
that I dream of you often,
I dream of you reaching out
and touching my hand,
simply to let me know
that you are there,
and everything is okay?

Have I ever told you,
have I still yet to tell you . . .
that I love you?

insecurity monster
You criticize what you do not know
You belittle those who aren't like you
You insult, you lie, and you manipulate
to make yourself seem superior

Have you not realized that you're putting yourself down
the same way you do to others?
Snide remarks and crude comments
They come from inside you
From inside that "perfection" you try to push forward
and force into everyone's face
Remarks and insults coming from you
simply reveal what you truly are


You let your insecurity control you
You allow it to take your sense and maturity hostage
Those people out there didn't do this to you
They never insulted you,
never belittled you,
never treated you as demeaningly as you treat them
They're the innocents being affected
by your inner battle with yourself.

You insult because you're afraid.
The qualities you despise in yourself
shadow your eyes
and become the qualities of someone else -
an innocent.
You may think it's fun to laugh at that poor bystander.
You may think it'll make you God,
but, in the end, you'll realize
that you were doing battle with yourself the whole time.
After all, you are your own worst critic.

reapers call

Above the whispers on the evening breeze
I stand alone before the salty seas
But fragmentary visions bring no peace

When smoking weed you seem to find
That silence slides inside your troubled mind.

My friends and love left long ago
As sickness in my brain began to grow

The sunshine through my window pane at dawn
Reduces me from Knight to worthless Pawn.

The Checkmate of my brain is causing pain
And sunshine leaves me longing for the rain.

At night the dead come visiting my room
While I assume they're absent from the tomb,

But truth be known their deep inside my bone,
Within the marrow I hear them moan.

They speak with tremored voices of the dead
Who now crawl up beside me in my bed.

Control is lost, if ever owned at all,
At last I hear the Reaper's call......

recycled air
This isn't the air I want to breathe. It's been passed about from one self obssessed, drama loving,attention seeking girl to another. From the heavy smokers to the scene kid in the back of starbucks falsey inhaling as he tries to impress his "friends." Exhaled from the lungs of the boy who used to take my breathe away, and as I take it in now it doesn't feel right. I'm breathing..but i'm suffocating. For comfort, it's been processed and recycled. For security, there are no windows to open. But I don't feel comforted nor secure sucking in this factituous fresh air. I just want to feel pure again. I want to be fearless. Ask me what I am afraid of and I will simply tell you "Millepedes and heights.", only because I am too afraid to admit that I am weak. "Jesus Christ i'm not scared to die, i'm a little bit scared of what comes after." If i wasn't so terrified of after life, I would already be dead.


I hate this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can feel the rage boiling up inside me, burning through my skin. A bad taste, like rust fills my mouth. Blood pools around my gums and I unclench my jaw from my flesh. Jealousy; an unshakeable feeling. You are my mind's purity-stealer. You are my heart's peace-intruder. You are my sanity's invader. This feeling..this hate..this anger...this emptiness.. severely wounding my mind and reopening the sliced flesh at each one of these feelings, like daggers. I just want to be healed, What happened to me? What have you done? The flames of aspiration have flickered out. I want to conquer this perpetual fever but you continuesly infect me with this sickness...this disease that is eating me alive. I'm standing here, begging you, why do you have to leave me? I'm standing here, waiting for you, tell me the reason. I'm standing here, crying as I wait for you to tell me. I'm standing here, screaming at you, as you plunge the final dagger. I'm falling here..watching you, as you slowly walk away. I'm crouching here, hating you, as I pick up the pieces. The pieces of my heart.


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